V-Day or D-day?

If I were in a relationship and you were my boyfriend, I would probably tell you that I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day: that roses are the tacky flower from the eighties and only serve to remind me of a bad Jon Bon Jovi ballad, those chocolates are the same as the Christmas candy that you just spent the last month in the gym working off your ass but in a different shaped box, or that it’s a consumerist-centered holiday based on Disney fairytales where true love always conquers all, and don’t we know, that ain’t the truth!

Let’s be serious.  You can call it a Hallmark card holiday, you can pooh-pooh all of the roses, the hearts, the flowers and the chocolate and haughtily claim that we should express love every day, not just on one dumb day to keep us spending money between Christmas and St. Paddy’s …..but that is something that girls in relationships say to pretend that they don’t actually want their boyfriends’ to surprise them with something quirky and spontaneous.  If you were my boyfriend, I might tell you all of that, but I wouldn’t want you to believe me.  I’d secretly want the indie rom-com; creative and romantic, but not overly conventional.  I’d want take-out sushi and a chocolate fondue pot.

As a girl that has been single for quite some time now, I have become accustomed to the solo life.  I can take myself out to the movies and not feel awkward.  I starfish out in my bed, taking up every last inch of space, and I am well versed in Single Girl Behavior  (the things we do when no one is watching.)  For instance, using a piece of dark chocolate to scoop the peanut butter out of the jar at the kitchen counter with a cucumber mask on your face in ugly undies—I NEVER do that!  In the yoga world there is a code of ethics loosely or strictly followed by some yogis called Brahmacharya, which translates to celibacy or containment of sexual energy.  There has not been any heat between my sheets in over a year, and this is not a Scientologist-inspired, consciousness-raising, self-imposed hiatus.

I have only two words: Brahmacharya sucks.

The older I get the more cynical I’ve become when it comes to matters of the heart.  With each broken heart it becomes a little more of a calculated risk to wage the war of love again.  The walls we put up around our hearts in the name of independence, strength, feminism and choice are perhaps smoke screens of self-preservation.  Evasive maneuvers that set the heartstrings to hibernate.   Each heartbreak creates a scar that gets thicker and tougher over time, and before you know it, your arterial walls are a fortress and ain’t nuthin’ passing through.  So I will admit, it’s tempting to drown my singleness in one (or five) bottles of wine today and pull a living-room Renee Zellewegger.

But this year, I’ve decided I’m going to do something radical for Valentine’s Day.  This year I am going to choose to believe in love.  I am going to believe that somewhere out there, there is a Harry to my Sally, a pea to my carrot, a friend and a partner to my crime.   Somewhere out there is a person who doesn’t complete me (for I learned my co-dependent lesson long ago) but who thinks that I am just the coolest thing.  Someone who might want to walk the road with me for a spell.  Somewhere out there, real, true, meant-to-be love exists and not just in the Notebook.  I don’t know if I believe in forever ever after, but I think I can believe in forever, ever now.

I’m breakin’ down these walls, Berlin-style.  So bring on the heart-shaped box of chocolates and the Bon Jovi ballads.  Cupid, hit me with your best shot.

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more.”

And I, for ONE, am going to celebrate.

 Happy Valentine’s Day.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. james purcell
    Feb 13, 2012 @ 04:42:01

    love reading your blog jennifer,. makes me smile every time .

    namaste’

    Reply

  2. Kieran Gruber
    Feb 15, 2012 @ 21:49:39

    I have heard people talk about your blog and how you are a great writer. Finally decided to check it out for myself. I look forward to reading more. 🙂 keep it up!

    Reply

  3. Alana
    Feb 14, 2013 @ 11:51:47

    Love you Jen and miss you heaps. Have the most wonderful day and I will be trying to do the same on PEI. xoxoxo

    Reply

  4. Melanie Claude
    Feb 14, 2013 @ 13:42:45

    Love the picture Jenn!!! Wow…

    Reply

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