Catch and Release

I recently took a colleague’s class and it was so satisfying.  I was down deep, in one of those places where the “other” people in the room cease to exist and there is nothing but sensation of tendons, muscle, bones and breath working in fascinating, focused harmony.   And, while in Pigeon, she said, quite simply:  “Just. Let. Go. “

I felt my body slump to the ground in response to her words.  Tension releasing from areas of my body I was previously unaware were tight, and a sense of “shwoooosh” that left me molten and fluid.  It made me realize that there is so much more work to do in that department.  And I’m always amazed by the tendencies and the stories that get trapped in our bodies in a muscular, physical form.

That letting go doesn’t just mean letting go of the negative; the things that hurt you, the fear, insecurity and ego, but letting go means also relinquishing expectation, plan and control.  Letting go of stories that brought you joy, because they are now in the past; of success, because by which measuring stick would one ever deem worthy to calculate triumph over tribulation?  Letting go means softening your grip and letting the cards fall where they may.

As I start to wind down my time here on PEI, I notice I am feeling slightly clingy.  Clingy to situations; impressions of sensation and location.  For example, I raced a bumble bee on my bike ride the other day, like, for a long time.  And I can’t get that out of my head.  The mixture of lilacs and salty, sea air that lazily drifts in the breeze in the park by the studio.  How do I bottle that up and take it with me?  Clingy to friendships, strengthened by the sun, or by simply the limited time left together.  So much so, that I feel liking taking blood oaths to “swear we will be friends forever” and yet, hygienically, that is just gross, and realistically, life has taught me that there are no such guarantees, bodily fluids exchanged or not.  There is no such thing as forever.   Incidentally, we settled for friendship bracelets instead.

This place has cast its spell and even though I know, deep down in my heart, that it is time to move on, this process always surprises me.  It’s not like this is the first time.  Scrolling back through older entries and I realize that this past year has been nothing but moving.  Constantly changing venues, and each time falling in love with the people, places and moments of my locale.  Each time having to Let. Go. And. Leave.

But yet, what I have discovered, is a whole lot more space in my heart.  It’s not as if one experience moves in at the expense of another.  That my heart space just opens wider to take more in.  I can hold it all.  I feel more alive than I have ever known.  Vitality coursing through.  Energy and stamina that sometimes makes me feel like a bionic woman.  I mean, I can barely sleep at night because I’m just so excited to wake up to another day.  This is exhilarating.

So, I’m trying to get ready.  Instead of clinging my fingertips on the edge of the precipice, I am going to open up my palms and freefall.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Robin
    Jun 30, 2012 @ 15:15:49

    Just remember to be in the moment and enjoy it as much as you can. PEI will need to Just. Let.Go of you too!

    Reply

  2. Mary Lynn
    Jul 07, 2012 @ 18:38:21

    You are so amazing!!!! PEI will miss your face!!! xoxoxo

    Reply

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