Love Stinks

Love has been on my mind lately.  And I just don’t know what to do about it.  But before you get your knickers all dewy with excitement, it is not impending love or love’s first thrill that I speak of, or even the slightest flirtation of love’s rosy blush; the rat-a-tat-tat quiver of love’s knees knocking…..No, it is the lack of love that has got me thinking.  It is the lack of love that leaves me lacking.

It leaves me breathless on almost a daily basis.  This gaping, aching emptiness.  It is sadly what has me swooning at ridiculous Rom-Coms and, dare I say this out loud, the Twilight movies.  This lack of love.  This missing person report that my heart files with the authorities de l’amour.  So where is he???  Because it gets tiresome to continually swallow the lump of lonely.

Now, everybody says love happens when you least expect it.  Love happens when you aren’t looking for it.  Well, I think that’s a big, heart-shaped turd of horseshit.

For sure, I get the sentiments behind the statement.  That you can’t expect love to fill the void.  Two halves do not make a whole; that when you are full and focused on living your full life, that’s when love happens.  But the whole “not looking” bit seems a bit defeatist to me.

My brain is contorted into a conundrum.  Aren’t we supposed to be thinking positively about the things we want?  To send our desires out into the Universe so they might manifest into reality in our lives?  It’s like a duel between those inspirational squares that plaster my Timeline each day:  So on the one hand, I’m supposed to turn the other cheek and pretend not to want what I want, but on the other hand, I’m supposed to telepathically leak out secret love letters to Cupid, so that he might drive an arrow through my chest and then tickle my heart-strings like an lovelorn autoharp lying on his lap—and the winner of the duel, pray tell, gets the hand of the princess?  Fack, Disney is going to have a hey-day with that one!

But here’s the clincher.  I’m not sure I believe in love anymore.  And I’m starting to wonder if that might be the problem.  I mean, I think it’s miraculous that people even end up together in the first place.  Let’s face it:  love is elusive.  There is always an issue of the right timing, wrong person; the right person, but the wrong timing or city.  Or worse, the right person: the one who looks so good “on paper” and yet you can’t quite summon that undeniable, impossible-to-fake spark of chemical attraction.  And of course there are the ones with whom fireworks explode like steam-whistles out your ears, but no firework show that I’ve ever seen has lasted longer than twenty-five minutes!

Certainly, in my experience, love never lasts.  I can’t see myself getting married, because I can’t possibly imagine saying “till death do us part.”  People change.  Things change.  And I wonder if my vows might look something like this, “Till I can’t stand the sound of your snores for one second more and if you leave the toilet seat up again, I might just stick my head in the bowl and breathe.”           Not sure who wants to catch that bouquet.

So how do you eradicate the cynicism and find a way to believe again?

I have no answers.  But the one thing I take comfort in, the one thing that fills my almost VERY full life, is that, for the first time, in maybe EVER, I finally have found a way to love ME.

And that, for now, will have to be enough.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. nine
    Sep 02, 2012 @ 09:09:28

    You are hilarious !!!! Loved it…. and love takes work, did you know that ???Have a love…ly day….Miss your beautiful smile…


  2. Whitney Rains
    Sep 02, 2012 @ 10:53:42

    I definitely relate to your feeling on love. I was the same way throughout college. I was single for three years by choice, didn’t think I would ever get married, and thought people that did were crazy. But, then I met my boyfriend and everything changed. I wasn’t looking for him when I found him. In fact I was too absorbed in the search for a graduate school to pay attention to that area of my life, but it happened.

    He popped into my life when I least suspected it and drastically changed the plan I had for myself, but that’s what love is. It’s inconvenient and wonderful and terrible and amazing. I think people always say it happens when you least suspect it because you usually meet some random person out of nowhere that turns out to be significant in your life. In my mind, the truth about finding love is being open to it. Is be willing to really put yourself out there and meet new people. Most of the time I was single, I wasn’t open to anyone. I made of conscious decision to change that mindset and I finally met my guy. As for marriage, I want to marry him, but I think we both know that life can never really be planned.

    Sorry for the long comment! 🙂 I really enjoyed your post!


  3. Lebohang Kganye
    Sep 03, 2012 @ 21:48:55

    Reblogged this on Lebohang Kganye.


  4. Robin
    Sep 04, 2012 @ 17:07:11

    Loving yourself is the best thing to do. Just read this quote from the Secret and supplement Happiness with Love:
    You must be happy now to bring happiness into your life through the law of attraction. It’s a simple formula. Happiness attracts happiness. Yet people use so many excuses as to why they can’t be happy. They use excuses of debt, excuses of health, excuses of relationships, and excuses of all sorts of things as to why they can’t use this simple formula. But the formula is the law.
    No matter what the excuse, unless you begin to feel happy despite it, you cannot attract happiness. The law of attraction is saying to you, “Be happy now, and as long as you keep doing that, I will give you unlimited happiness.”
    May the joy be with you,
    Rhonda Byrne
    The Secret… bringing joy to billions
    Hee hee


  5. Heather MCtavish
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 07:20:34

    I experience Fireworks that have lasted three years after my Love died i can say with certainty that LOVE is HERE ..


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