Blank Slate

There is an interesting thing that happens when you start to become aware of your reactions to things:  you begin to NOT react to things.

I’m not going to lie, the writing inspiration is, shall we say, in a bit of a dry spell.  The things that previously caused turmoil and introspection, examination and contemplation and (consequently) great fuel for writing, now don’t seem to affect me as much.  The same things happen:  the conflicts, the mishaps, the disagreements and the questioning, but those things within themselves are not as emotionally altering as before.

For example, I started off the morning with big intentions for my one day off this week.  With my birthday looming over the weekend, I decided before bed last night to treat myself to a day.  A little bit of shopping, a few errands, a tasty lunch, maybe a museum or a movie; basically a whole lot of wandering with no agenda, just following the whispers of me.  Not to mention, since I seem to have been overzealous with my purging last winter, I need some fall clothes before the weather turns and I freeze.

My day started off with my usual morning coffee out of my usual morning coffee mug, which, while browsing through my usual morning websites, mid-sip, the handle just dropped off the mug and was left dangling in my palm.  The body of the mug slammed onto the table, miraculously landing upright, but not before splashing coffee all over my computer keyboard.  I cleaned it up and chuckled, wondering if this was a harbinger of the day to come.  But I took a deep breath, hopeful and determined:

“Today is MY day.  I will not let anything get me frustrated.”

Before heading downtown on my excursion, I stopped off at the bike shop around the corner to have some air put into my front tire.  So, while negotiating my bike out the shop door, with the milk crate on the back full of library books to return, my back-heavy bike decided to tip over on the stairwell by the exit in front of a ridiculously handsome sales guy who then watched said back-heavy bike push clumsy and blushing owner into a fake tree, where I planted my hand into fake sand to catch myself.  Ridiculously handsome sales guy came to rescue the bike and hold the door for deeply blushing and now profusely sweating clumsy girl as she scurried out the door, mumbling a string of apologies, unable to make eye contact.

Full breath in.  Full breath out.  And away I go.  Smiling.  Composure regained:

“Today is MY day.”

Biking downtown is hectic enough to give even the Dali Lama road rage, but today I am cool as a courgette:

“Today is MY day.”

So, when after hours of fairly unsuccessful shopping, tired and hungry, I get pulled over on the sidewalk by a police officer giving me a ticket for jay-walking, I thanked him sincerely, tucked the ticket in my purse and laughed:

“Today is MY day.”

I’m just not affected in any major way by things right now.  I feel confident in my teaching but not overly so, for there is so much more to learn.  There are classes that are less than great and classes that are more than great.  There are no ah-ha moments in my body or in my practice either.  There are productive days and not-so-productive days and it seems, for now, the lightning storm of inspiration has rolled on by.  So what do you do when that happens?

Well, I guess you just keep on keepin’ on.  Because to everything there is an ebb and a flow, and what might be a dry spell now will soon again become a wellspring.

I have the skills to deal.
I have the faith to trust.
I have the strength to love.
And I have the breath to soothe.

Because TODAY is my day.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sara
    Oct 06, 2012 @ 08:06:29

    Jen, you may not feel inspired at the moment but you are a constant source if inspiration to me. I think of you so, so often and wish so much that I was practicing under the wing of your gorgeous and supportive voice. Your breathing gives me breath!
    Keep on keepin on girl.
    Miss you and hope I get to see your beautiful self soon.

    Reply

  2. Kathleen Winter
    Oct 06, 2012 @ 08:11:09

    I can’t believe you got a jaywalking ticket on your birthday. I got one on my birthday too! That makes us Montreal jaywalking birthday sisters in my book. Hope you found some nice fall clothes. Don’t forget the great Thursday and Saturday bazaar upstairs behind the corner near Mont Royal Metro, the one run by renegade nuns. Loving your posts, and yes, the dry spells are times a writer keeps her ass in the seat and continues the practice as best she can.
    Take care,
    Love,
    the person who is still enjoying your machine shop whirling metal table xo

    Reply

  3. Debbie
    Oct 06, 2012 @ 12:27:02

    That was a wonderful piece of writing, life as it is….Thanks Jen… so true, thanks for reminding me of the ebs and flows…. awaiting the upward swing…. Take care, beautiful lady….

    Reply

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