Unabashed Authenticity

be real

If there is any one thing one should strive to “be” in life, it is to be real.  Nothing more and nothing less than exactly who you are.  Because the moment you lose your ability to be authentic, is the moment you live your life as a lie.

It’s not always easy, to be real.  We sometimes get wrapped up in our need to please others or to not make someone angry or to just be liked.  But when we exchange our realness for the needy, greedy insecurities of the ego, it is a disservice to all parties involved.

Consider this:  in the dating world, for example.  Boy meets girl.  Girl meets boy.  (Or girl meets girl.  Boy meets boy. )  You meet this prospective partner, who at the get go, seems all shiny and new.  The attention is lovely and for the first time in a long while, you feel wanted and desired.  You don’t want this attention to fade and so you “play the game.”  You project yourself as someone more sexy, more confident, tough, independent, flirty, mysterious, supportive, adventurous, talented, non-committal, enthusiastic, altruistic, witty, etc., etc. than you actually are.  This prospective partner sees a highly-polished mirage of you and gets to know a “you” whom you are not.  Follow?  The real you gets put on a shelf as you struggle to stay in someone’s favor and consequently gets buried under layers and layers of false pretences.  And when you finally reach that stage in your relationship when you start to feel comfortable, when the real you starts to shine through….you know the stage:  the farting, passing out in front of the TV without sex, and unflattering underwear stage, and suddenly your partner is completely disenchanted, because “you” are not whom they thought you to be at all.

Who exactly, does that game serve??  Nobody, in my opinion.  What if we could just be ourselves?  And rest easy, knowing that we are wanted, liked and loved for exactly who we are.

My best friend tells me that I have a habit of email “bombing” people in my life when I feel misunderstood.  An email bomb from me usually consists of a lengthy and well-thought-out account of heartfelt feelings and verbose emotional meanderings.  If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you might have noticed that I do tend to lean towards more candid communications.  The recipients of my letters are usually past boyfriends, and without generalizing, in general, such blatant displays of effusive emotives usually make my men willy-nilly, nervous-Nellies, in other words:  highly uncomfortable.

Could I change?  Yes, I could.  I could curb the need to connect on a deeper-than-superficial level in order to “play the game”.   I could pretend that my emotions are not important to me, and that I don’t ever struggle with doubt, fear and insecurity.  But I don’t want to change.  Because one day, there will be someone who receives one of my gush grenades and he is going to appreciate that I trusted him enough to share my feelings, privileged to have had a glimpse of my vulnerability, and invested enough to accept all that I am and all that I am not.

So whether you are a freak or a geek, a wallflower or a communicator, an introvert, a lover, a fighter, a dreamer, a goth, a hipster or a hip-hopper, be unabashed in your authenticity.  Live your truth.  All that you are, and all that you are not, be really REAL at that.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Andrew
    Apr 14, 2013 @ 17:38:54

    Hey Jen,

    Just wanted to say thank you. Your blog is always so thoughtful, positive and reflective. I feel as though u r always pushing people towards growth and that it is a very good thing. Thank you for the inspirational guidance, it always seems to hit home and brighten my day!
    Andrew

    Reply

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