Where’s Waldo?

real man

Alright, I’m just going to say it:  Where have all the real men gone???  The gentlemen.  The men who wore the jackets and the ties, and the topcaps.  Oh, the topcaps.  Not because they had to for a job, or a wedding, or for a ball, or a funeral.  The men who wore it for the man of it.  Are you telling me that all that is left out there are the carbon copy Hipsters who look like they all jumped out of an American Apparel ad?

I went to a bar the other night, and I counted 10 out of the 12 men in the room wearing dark-rimmed, horny-typed glasses.  10 OUTTA 12!!!!  Since when did everyone begin to need glasses?  Are we watching a 3D movie???

Skinny jeans do not make men sexy.

I started to watch old movies on Netflix.  Born Yesterday with Judy Holliday.  Mad Men.  Sure, they were alcoholics, and womanizers, and they smoked like chimneys, but they knew that a thin, white tee-shirt was actually underwear.  They knew how to get a shave.

When did dating become so casual?  Cary Grant is not casual.  Ryan Gosling is not casual.   James Bond is not casual.

Where are the men who know how to put a jacket on a woman, one slinky, seductive arm at a time? And that to invite a girl out on a date meant that you called her in order to do so.   Listen up, guys: a text message does not qualify.  Where are the men who believe in chivalry, and courtesy, and charm?  And that a date means put-something-nice-on-and-I-will-at-least-pick-you-up-and-walk-you-home.  Did feminism kill all the flowers?  Did the Grand Romantic Gesture get flushed down our estrogen-filled toilets?

And what about the man who offers his seat to a lady on the bus?  Doesn’t anybody do that anymore?  Sure, I’m able-bodied, but I’m carrying two bags of groceries here.  Where are the mannered men?  The dashing, the daring, the debonair?

To all the mothers raising sons out there:  for god’s sake, teach them to ask a girl questions.   And pass along the secret that there is impact in a compliment; that a well-placed hand on an elbow or the small of our backs can send shivers up our spines.

And if there are no gentlemen left, then at least give me a mountain-man.  Or a cowboy.  Or a carpenter.  A man who knows more about electricity and plumbing and power-tools than I do.  Who is strong not because he tries to build a body in front of a mirror in an air-conditioned gym, but because he needs his strength in order to chop things, and stack things and make things….like love and cabinets.  Rough hands, and a gentle heart.  A man who believes in chest hair.

I’m not sure where he is, but I’m keeping an eye out.  However, apparently, I may need dark-rimmed glasses in order to see…..


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. John Elias
    Jun 01, 2013 @ 11:19:15

    Loved it!


  2. dad
    Jun 02, 2013 @ 11:26:40

    Flowers for no reason..cards to say Happy Monday…opening the car door for you…holding hands while walking on the streetside of the sidewalk..calling before Wednesday for a week-end date…do not “settle” they are still out there…


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