Growing UP

floating

Growing pains hurt.  That realization that maybe you’re not the best self that you’d like to be.  That moment when you start to question who you are and what kind of impact you have on those around you.  Looking in the mirror, maybe, you could stand to do a little of the work.

I’ve been thinking a lot about perception lately.  The ways that we see ourselves in this life….is not necessarily the way that others see us existing in this life.  Who we are, and how we perceive ourselves is not always the reality of what is.  How do we stand tall in who we strive to be; in the morals, ethics and beliefs of what makes our hearts sing, while simultaneously being un-rigid, flexible, and open to feedback?  Where do we draw the line in the sand of what we believe we deserve?

Our attachments can weigh us down.  Just like a hot air balloon that is anchored to the ground by ropes and sandbags, we too…cling to the people and things around us that feel like home.  Life happens.  People change.  People die.  People move on.  And I find this one of the hardest lessons to accept.  I struggle with this notion, and have, I suppose for many years.  Perhaps a shaky and unstable childhood led me to cling a little bit more…perhaps I hope that sometimes, some people stick.

We get caught up.  We get wrapped up in our notions of right and wrong.  (Or at least, I do, anyways.) We get pigeonholed into a way of being, a pattern of expectation that usually lets us down.  For someone who continually seeks an upward trajectory of growth and learning, letting go of these notions is not always easy.  Growing is not always easy.  And looking in the mirror to discover what patterns of behaviour you continually enact or enable is certainly just the shits.

Letting go.  Accepting change, for me, is one of the hardest things.

Which is funny, cause I move all the fuckin’ time.  (Although, Montreal, God love you, you rocked me steady for ten amazing years.)   You kept me still.

But here I go again.  Pointing the She-Wolf westward and pushing down the gas pedal.  But here’s what I always loved about moving:  you get to reinvent yourself into the very best version of YOU you’d like to be.

And you get to cast your sandbags overboard, and cut all of your ropes.  Not to forget or throw away or diminish.  But to move forward, and upwards and slantways and longways and backways and squareways; buoyant from all the fire and the breath and the love that certainly lifts us up where we belong:

Weightless.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. eric mathias
    Oct 12, 2013 @ 10:52:37

    Where is the “best self” if we are not already that?

    Reply

    • Jennifer Reed
      Oct 12, 2013 @ 18:06:19

      I get what you mean, Eric. But is it not okay to strive to be better? I am the best I can be today, in this moment, but tomorrow is another story all together.

      Reply

      • eric mathias
        Oct 16, 2013 @ 16:44:40

        striving is still striving, and i guess it depends on what you mean by “better”. and tomorrow, you’ll be the best you can be tomorrow. but tomorrow is not now.

        but yes, there is always work.

  2. Dad
    Oct 12, 2013 @ 15:33:22

    Jen,

    The rest of us that all live mudane lives live vivariously through YOU. So this is another adventure for ALL of us. Be strong..be confident in yourself…know that if you have problems we are all here to help. Live your dream..think good thoughts..Imagine the impossible & take us along for the ride…

    Dad

    Reply

  3. Dawn
    Oct 13, 2013 @ 01:02:05

    Great work! I used to sing that song in Karaoke every saturday night!!! Safe travels 🙂 Keep moving forward yogi!!!

    Reply

  4. Mary Lynn
    Oct 14, 2013 @ 11:41:02

    Xoxoxo xox, oodles of love, amazing prayers, happy thoughts ands steady breathes are sent through with you on your journey! Xoxoxo greatful you are in my life! happy Thanksgicving, be safe and happy, my friend

    Reply

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