Craving

Memoirs of a Downward Facing Dog

I could sugar-coat the facts and tell you that it’s all hunky-dory, that life is what you make of it and I am living the dream.  I could tell you that my social calendar is filling up faster than Justin Bieber’s prescription refills and when you open yourself up to the Universe, it’s just astounding what flows in.  And while most days that is my general belief, today, it’s a Porta-Potty full to the brim.  So, I’m throwing a pity party…for one.

The honeymoon phase has worn off.  The adventure and the road are but a fond and distant memory.  Gone are the distinct recollections of harrowing road conditions and impending snowstorms; strange locations and newfound friends. 

What I am left with is a sobering dose of reality. 

Living in a new town, with no network, no friends, no social life save for the occasional yoga class I teach and a restaurant job, though it is an adventure of sorts, it’s starting to get a little bit lonely.

So, I took my lonely ass out on “me-date” the other night.  Headed straight for the movie theaters after work for a 10 o’clock show.  The perks of the theater were wine and a spicy tuna hand-roll at your cushy, couch-like seat.  The movie was Her.  And it got me thinking….

Over some generations, we’ve been taught that it is noteworthy and important to be independent.  We live and die alone, or so “they” say.  And while independence is normally my default setting, isn’t that also just a little bit sad?  Haven’t we evolved as a species because of our ability to work, think, create and live…together?  Nary, a solo cave man would’ve faired so well against the pointy tusks of a sabre-tooth tiger if he weren’t sufficiently backed up by his Cro-Magnon cohorts.

Automated operators, online dating, online shopping, self-checkout lines, bank teller surcharges, social-media sites (which are the most anti-social thing EVER).  I mean, we’ve built so many layers and boundaries around ourselves to protect against actual, real, human interaction. 

So why can’t we admit that deep down inside, we just want connection?

Is it wrong to want someone who just gets you?  Who laughs at your jokes and gets your geeky interest in whatever it is you geek out about.  To crave a person with whom you can investigate, learn and scratch deeper into than the veneers of our profiles? Who is loyal and supportive and in it for the long haul?  Does that make me co-dependent to crave what seems a natural, human, social inclination?  And, while I firmly believe in doing my best to make the most of what Life throws at you, what if this is it?  If this is all there is, is it wrong to be unsatisfied?

While normally I try to douse myself in positivity, today the pep talks fall flat.  And in the spirit of being authentic in 2014, today this is me. 

Starting over.  Questioning, quiet…and struggling. 

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mary Lynn
    Jan 20, 2014 @ 06:10:23

    Xoxoxoxox sending them across the miles beauty!

    Reply

  2. Kathleen Winter
    Jan 20, 2014 @ 09:21:11

    I’m sorry you’re feeling lonesome. I think you’re right, and even the most independent and introverted soul needs a lot more connection than she might realize.

    Reply

  3. Dad
    Jan 20, 2014 @ 12:31:49

    Ahh big hug for you…

    Reply

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