Wagons and Wine

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It’s been a while. And by a while, I mean….a while. More like, a shit-ton of time. The settling down, the union of pen with paper and usually, blissfully,….some wine.

To write. To put all of the hullabaloo and the mumbo-jumbo that passes through my noggin’ on the daily into some semblance of cohesive form. Writing makes me think about my life more.  Encourages me to dig just a little bit. deeper.

Forget about the fact that I just opened a new business. It’s a valid excuse, not to write, if one were prone to accepting the bullshit we like to cover up in the name of “excuses”. I felt like somehow I had to censor myself all of a sudden. Project only a certain facet of me, because now I wear the “boss-lady” label. Who is going to read this? Is it going to affect sales? God forbid people know that I GASP/HURL/SPITTLE…drink wine.

Oh honey. I drink wine.

The truth is, my writing was always THE most truthful side of myself. And I think for any of you who might still be clinging onto the potential next “edition”; the one thing that made reading it worthwhile was my willingness to bear it all…because in our ability to be authentic, we start to realize that only semantics separates you from me.

So fuck censorship. I’m back.

There might be a select few of you who have been here since the beginning. This all started when I first did my teacher training and then continued, writing and posting every single week (until, aside from the intermittent smatterings, I fell face-mother-fucking-first off of the wagon a couple years ago).

We lose ourselves from time-to-time, don’t we?

You followed me through Central America to Kentucky and Prince Edward Island; to Montreal, Brazil, L.A. and in a 1985 tin-box Vanagon across Canada.   You followed me through some shitty relationships, and then (more shitty relationships) but always, there was yoga.

There was always yoga.

And now, I own a yoga studio. I will spare you the details of the process, (you can read for yourself) but shall we say “diplomatically”–aka—me, censoring. just. a little bit—building it was no picnic in the park.

Now this fucking studio is open and it’s so damn beautiful sometimes I can’t even believe it’s real. I can barely fathom that five years ago this was an idea in my head. A hippie at heart and definitely not a planner, not much in my life has walked the distance between pre-meditation to follow-through.

But. Here I am now.

We’ve only been open just over a month and people are coming, and they are coming back and they are CHANGING. THEIR. LIVES. They are coming every day; committing themselves privately to their own 30-Day Challenge, without pomp or circumstance, without acknowledgment or accolade—they are just showing up. They are nicer, softer, more relaxed and open day-by-day. They are sharing with me the things that they struggle with, and sometimes it’s not even in words. It’s the clenched fists in Savasana. The frenetic searching for breath while trying to find balance on one leg. It’s the gentle learning of who they are and then, the grateful gaze as they leave silently out the front door, with only understanding linking our eyes.

It is magic, being here now. And it is only the beginning.

I won’t make promises and I won’t make excuses, but I can tell you this: There will be writing. There will be yoga. And, oh yes, there will be wine.

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Big Bang

Memoirs of a Downward Facing Dog

Did you know that the adult human body contains 7 x 1027 atoms and at least 60 detectable traces of chemical elements? I didn’t either, until a particularly stimulating savasana combined with some tinkly music on the stereo had me contemplating the nature of energy. Seriously, who needs drugs when you have savasana?

Are we not just masses of atoms vibrating and orbiting around one another; occasionally sharing electrons for a time, sometimes rebounding off one another in repulsive states too charged to bond, and rarely, if you’re lucky, crashing into each other in spectral displays of light? What is this experience but merely a vibration that pulls you apart and puts you back together again?  In the millimeters of air that existed between my thumb and the thumb of the person next to me, I felt a vast valley of space and energy…palpable and magnetic.

In case it’s been a while since you’ve brushed up on your quantum physics, for an electron to transition between two different states of energy, it must absorb or emit a photon. Even electrons seem to understand that in order to change you must take on something new or ditch something old.

In a matter of weeks I have had to ditch a lot. Basically, the whole script got tossed out the window. Nothing about where I am is anywhere close to where I thought I’d be. And thank god for that because every idea or notion of what I thought was possible or even likely has been completely redefined.

As a result, I am a sponge for newness. For example, I learned a new word: noetic, or that which speaks of a deep, profound truth. I flew home to Portland for a brief week to move into a new home, an empty place that alludes to unwritten chapters. A blank canvas waiting for some color. My ears are filled with new music, laser lightshows dance before my eyes, my mind is brimming with new ideas and, like my toes are wrapped around an electric fence, on every level, I am humming.

We get pulled apart so that we can change. That which dismantles us, also puts us back together. So that what is lost might catapult us into a different frequency; a frenetic opportunity to move forward towards the next level.

It seems that life rarely gives you what you expect, but it almost always gives you what you need.

And that is both noetic and poetic.

 

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